the MS Walk of Greater Springfield is 24 days away. this will be Team Flash's 5th consecutive appearance. donations letters, e-mails, & messages have been sent out by myself & the Team. on paper, we are a third of the way towards our goal, although i am confident we will exceed it.
i'm finding unexpected generosity in people, a kindness that brings tears to my eyes. i am reminded to be grateful, in the grips of fleeting self-doubt.
i can't help but reflect on the last five years & the impact MS has had on my life. five friggin years?!?!?!?! WOWZA. no doubt the disease has changed me- good, bad, & indifferent. it has brought amazing people into my life and has strengthened pre-existing relationships. it has challenged me, both physically & emotionally. it has brought my strength to the surface. it has forced me to continuing living in the day, as i know not what tomorrow will bring.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
It's been a long time......
holy crap, batman. where has the time gone?????
as with most things, i have great intentions. my follow through, however... not so much.
it appears this blog became invisible to me over the last year. the symbolism is frightening. invisibility has proven to be both my angel & my devil. it battles me at the core of my very existence. if you can't see it, it's not really there. if i don't verbalize it, it remains hidden. i teeter between these two things in an attempt to strike some sort of balance. i could flick the switch and turn it off, pretending the monster inside me is not eating away at my myelin sheath. i could wait until it's visible before describing what it's like to live in my skin. or i could turn the switch on and shed some light in a sometimes dark place.
today i would like to turn the light on. perhaps the wintry weather has set the stage for self-reflection, but that is neither here nor there.
i am silently "diseased". not in the mental health kind of way. although i am certain that is subject to interpretation. i make reference medically. in the MS-is-trying-to-kick-my-ass-and-you-don't-know-it-if-i-don't-tell-you kind of way. i look good. that's just one of the demons of the disease. poison is streaming through my bloodstream as i sit here and write. but you can't see that either. i ate solid food yesterday & i didn't need an anti-nausea medication to aid me in the endeavor. these two things made it to my gratitude list last night. i take these moments when i can. to ground me. to bring me back to simplicity.
i have no urgency to vent today. i am exactly where i am meant to be at this moment.
MS continues to teach me the true meaning of powerlessness. but i'm still makin' it my b*tch.
The End.
as with most things, i have great intentions. my follow through, however... not so much.
it appears this blog became invisible to me over the last year. the symbolism is frightening. invisibility has proven to be both my angel & my devil. it battles me at the core of my very existence. if you can't see it, it's not really there. if i don't verbalize it, it remains hidden. i teeter between these two things in an attempt to strike some sort of balance. i could flick the switch and turn it off, pretending the monster inside me is not eating away at my myelin sheath. i could wait until it's visible before describing what it's like to live in my skin. or i could turn the switch on and shed some light in a sometimes dark place.
today i would like to turn the light on. perhaps the wintry weather has set the stage for self-reflection, but that is neither here nor there.
i am silently "diseased". not in the mental health kind of way. although i am certain that is subject to interpretation. i make reference medically. in the MS-is-trying-to-kick-my-ass-and-you-don't-know-it-if-i-don't-tell-you kind of way. i look good. that's just one of the demons of the disease. poison is streaming through my bloodstream as i sit here and write. but you can't see that either. i ate solid food yesterday & i didn't need an anti-nausea medication to aid me in the endeavor. these two things made it to my gratitude list last night. i take these moments when i can. to ground me. to bring me back to simplicity.
i have no urgency to vent today. i am exactly where i am meant to be at this moment.
MS continues to teach me the true meaning of powerlessness. but i'm still makin' it my b*tch.
The End.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Joanne's Starbucks cup
I like this story.
I do not believe the chemo process can truly be described unless you experience it yourself. Since MS is going to be my b*tch and chemo was its first whipping, Joanne and I were prepared to make the journey as comfortable as possible. In our world, comfortable comes in the form of entertainment, laughter, and the occasional whoopie cushion. I can tell you that there is an inevitable elephant that sits in the middle of the very small "treatment" room, where privacy is no option. Sometimes the elephant is so heavy, you feel guilty for laughing or smiling at the person in the chair 12 inches away from you.
Joanne picked me up for my last day of chemo. Per usual, we needed Starbucks. We glanced at the clock and collectively decided that we DEFINITELY had time to go to the "good" Starbucks, instead of the one that made us BAD coffees the previous time we went to chemo. So.... we rocked out to music in the mom-mobile, chatted a bit about what we might see at chemo since it WAS halloween, and wondered again why everybody always wants to drive into us. Whatev. We make it to Starbucks (drive thru, of course) & grabbed our lattes. We glanced at the clock again and made an executive decision that we ALSO have enough time to go to Dunkin Donuts for a box of 50 Munchkins. Oh yes... I DID write 50. Suhweet!
We made it to our destination, found a flipping place to park (which is NOT easy), and made it to the lab at 10:58am for an 11am appointment. Heck yeah! We were chatting with the man known as "the butcher" as we waited for me to have my IV put in. Joanne started to read her Starbucks cup and we decided, hands down, that the cup needed to be kept:
The Way I See It, #295
Can we laugh at cancer? Is it funny to lose your breasts? Am I crazy to have humor when I lose my hair? Should I ignore the giggles while receiving chemo? What if I nudge someone and sneak a smile, even though I have no eyebrows? Is it inappropriate? Don't be offended, it beats waxing!
---Julie Wade, Starbucks customer and cancer survivor from Seattle, Washington
That said it all.
I do not believe the chemo process can truly be described unless you experience it yourself. Since MS is going to be my b*tch and chemo was its first whipping, Joanne and I were prepared to make the journey as comfortable as possible. In our world, comfortable comes in the form of entertainment, laughter, and the occasional whoopie cushion. I can tell you that there is an inevitable elephant that sits in the middle of the very small "treatment" room, where privacy is no option. Sometimes the elephant is so heavy, you feel guilty for laughing or smiling at the person in the chair 12 inches away from you.
Joanne picked me up for my last day of chemo. Per usual, we needed Starbucks. We glanced at the clock and collectively decided that we DEFINITELY had time to go to the "good" Starbucks, instead of the one that made us BAD coffees the previous time we went to chemo. So.... we rocked out to music in the mom-mobile, chatted a bit about what we might see at chemo since it WAS halloween, and wondered again why everybody always wants to drive into us. Whatev. We make it to Starbucks (drive thru, of course) & grabbed our lattes. We glanced at the clock again and made an executive decision that we ALSO have enough time to go to Dunkin Donuts for a box of 50 Munchkins. Oh yes... I DID write 50. Suhweet!
We made it to our destination, found a flipping place to park (which is NOT easy), and made it to the lab at 10:58am for an 11am appointment. Heck yeah! We were chatting with the man known as "the butcher" as we waited for me to have my IV put in. Joanne started to read her Starbucks cup and we decided, hands down, that the cup needed to be kept:
The Way I See It, #295
Can we laugh at cancer? Is it funny to lose your breasts? Am I crazy to have humor when I lose my hair? Should I ignore the giggles while receiving chemo? What if I nudge someone and sneak a smile, even though I have no eyebrows? Is it inappropriate? Don't be offended, it beats waxing!
---Julie Wade, Starbucks customer and cancer survivor from Seattle, Washington
That said it all.
Holy SMOKES!
Joanne here! So I made "captain" this year for the MS walk, must've been the soup and pot pie (no, not marijuana!). This should be a good walk, I am not pregnant so no babies to attend to. Last year was pretty much a last second plead for donations on my part but I had a lot on my plate. So I am going to TRY to be more involved this year. Should be fun times!
Make sure you get registered so we have a head count. I believe our sponsor (my husband) is going to get new FLASH shirts with the possible quote of "Walking to make MS Becki's bitch". We should probably find a more child friendly phrase so any ideas are welcome, you can even comment on this post!
If you've ever heard of HIPA, you just throw that piece of paper out the window when it comes to the chemo room! Check back often to find out about Anthony, the old make-up ladies, whoopie coushins, the butcher, IRMA, and all about what happens in the chemo room on Halloween!! Oh and the pee pee chair!!
Make sure you get registered so we have a head count. I believe our sponsor (my husband) is going to get new FLASH shirts with the possible quote of "Walking to make MS Becki's bitch". We should probably find a more child friendly phrase so any ideas are welcome, you can even comment on this post!
If you've ever heard of HIPA, you just throw that piece of paper out the window when it comes to the chemo room! Check back often to find out about Anthony, the old make-up ladies, whoopie coushins, the butcher, IRMA, and all about what happens in the chemo room on Halloween!! Oh and the pee pee chair!!
MS Walk, 2009!!!!!
Well Team..... the date is scheduled for the MS Walk at Forest Park! It will be our FOURTH annual appearance (can you believe it???).
The big day is Sunday, May 3rd at Forest Park. I know it is early, but it gives us all the more time to raise MUCH needed dinero!
Team FLASH is registered with the MS Society and we are ready to get this "thang" started once again.
To join us, go to.... www.msnewengland.org and click on "Walk" (it is in green this year). If you remember your username and password from last year, click on My Participant Center and enter that info. If not, click on "Sunday, May 3rd, Springfield"; click on "Register"; click on "Register to walk and join existing team"; locate Team FLASH and click on "Join Team" (located on the right); and take it from there.
PLEASE feel free to create your personal page (mine is done for the minute anyway).
There will be lots more info to come......
Yours Truly,
The Captain :-)
The big day is Sunday, May 3rd at Forest Park. I know it is early, but it gives us all the more time to raise MUCH needed dinero!
Team FLASH is registered with the MS Society and we are ready to get this "thang" started once again.
To join us, go to.... www.msnewengland.org and click on "Walk" (it is in green this year). If you remember your username and password from last year, click on My Participant Center and enter that info. If not, click on "Sunday, May 3rd, Springfield"; click on "Register"; click on "Register to walk and join existing team"; locate Team FLASH and click on "Join Team" (located on the right); and take it from there.
PLEASE feel free to create your personal page (mine is done for the minute anyway).
There will be lots more info to come......
Yours Truly,
The Captain :-)
Is MS my B*tch yet??????
Update:
I had my last chemo treatment on Halloween. WOOOOOOOOT WOOOOOO!!!! Joanne & I journaled our experience through the endless HOURS we spent during the chemo "process". I plan to share some of it here at our blogspot, but I need to weed through it a bit first. Some of it just wouldn't make sense to anyone else.
Anyhoo... My last dose was increased again because my bloodcounts just refuse to go down- the doc says I'm "tough" (and to think he needed a specialty in oncology to figure that one out). So.... I was much sicker this time. And although I did not think I was going to live through the first night, I kept reminding myself that it was my last treatment (at least for now). I lived and I am getting a little stronger every day!!!!!! :-)
To all of you who joined the prayer circle.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who supported me, near and far.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who made me soup or brought me groceries.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who visited me and/or brought me movies.... THANK YOU.
To Joanne.... I am finally speachless.
I had my last chemo treatment on Halloween. WOOOOOOOOT WOOOOOO!!!! Joanne & I journaled our experience through the endless HOURS we spent during the chemo "process". I plan to share some of it here at our blogspot, but I need to weed through it a bit first. Some of it just wouldn't make sense to anyone else.
Anyhoo... My last dose was increased again because my bloodcounts just refuse to go down- the doc says I'm "tough" (and to think he needed a specialty in oncology to figure that one out). So.... I was much sicker this time. And although I did not think I was going to live through the first night, I kept reminding myself that it was my last treatment (at least for now). I lived and I am getting a little stronger every day!!!!!! :-)
To all of you who joined the prayer circle.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who supported me, near and far.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who made me soup or brought me groceries.... THANK YOU.
To those of you who visited me and/or brought me movies.... THANK YOU.
To Joanne.... I am finally speachless.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Our first Buddy Walk...
Our T-shirts
Vinnie's sweatshirt (arms of it)
Vinnie's sweatshirt (back of it)
Ahh...just in time for the Walk part!!
And the after party...tennis anyone?
Uhm, Jimbo? It's only a game!
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